Short Story

Skwisgaar Skwigelf, taller than a tree, in his 50s, and tattooed. He is played by Sage and his journal is goodbettermetal From Metalocalypse. Natch. His PB is that guy from Buckcherry, Josh Todd. While on tour, he is aged down to his canon-age, and thus has a different PB, Christian Brylle.

Long Story

Skwisgaar Skwigelf was a child prodigy of guitar, his first lessons were at four, and he was on the stage by six, performing virtuoso solos to crowded concert halls. His mother, Servetta Skwigelf, was an unrelenting bitch of a manager, making sure he would keep playing until he was the best, and then continue playing until when someone thought 'guitarist', they thought of the name Skwisgaar Skwigelf.

When he was a teenager, he decided he preferred metal to any other musical form, and hopped from band to band. His amazing talent and speed lent to an illustrious career as the youngest, highest paid metal musician in all of history. He also played in guitar tournaments, where he was dubbed the fastest guitarist in history.

He started playing in Dethklok when he was 25, or thereabouts. Canon happened.

And Then the World Exploded. Literally. He was caught with his pants off, and lost his precious signature belt buckle. He blamed Pickles and was then dragged by the rhythm guitarist (and by-then 'fucks buddies for lifes') Toki Wartooth to a different reality via Milliways Tavern to carry on his life. He retired at 35, and became the bad guy of Lazy Town, and had an accidental daughter with Stephanie Meanswell.

Add fifteen, sixteen years to the mix, and you've got him as you see him now.

Since Arrival

Since coming to the world of UtR, Skwisgaar has married the lovely, talented, and intelligent Lulu, with whom he created a child or two. (Or three if you count random parallel dimensionverse kids.) He has also used Sadako to cure not only his heart disease in a literal sense, but in a figurative one as well. Two years previous to showing up in this world, his long time lover and best punching bag and buddy, Toki, died. He kept a lock of Toki's hair in a large locket ring that he wore over the T on his left forefinger. He brought the hair to Sadako, who gave a second birth to Toki. Skwisgaar now lives with Lulu and Toki in his cabin just west of Stockholm, Sweden.

He has also made amends with long-time nuisance, Miniver Cheevy, who has always been his favorite little goofball, even if he never will admit to it. He is still friends with Nathan Explosion and defers all large decisions regarding money and music production to Charles Ofdensen. He very much appreciates having a chance to have a family, and does his best to be the father that he always wanted to have, and to never be like the mother that raised him. He loves Lulu and Toki and would die for them -- but he'd rather just live for them, instead. Of course, he's still an egotistical asshole, but that's now overshined by his true desire to be something he never thought he'd be. A family man.

Recently, he's decided to once again play for, and with Dethklok. For most of the year, he is his regular old, old self. But for tours, Sadako physically ages the guitarists down to the age they were when they first played for the band.

Appearance

Skwisgaar stands at 6'4" and is very skinny and pale. His hair is naturally light blond, and he has blue eyes.

He dyes his hair black on occasion, and currently, it's got about two inches of roots showing. His hair is now at the length of midback.

He's got several zillion tattoos, the most prominent of which are the six stars on his hips, the full sleeve on his left arm (ending with the letters T, O, K, and I on his knuckles), and the large back piece of a dragon coiled around a sword. His right hand has the tattoo of L, U, L, U on his knuckles, and the name Soren has recently been added to his full sleeve. He's also got the Gibson logo tattooed on the back of his neck, just under the hairline. He's got several dozen piercings. Thirteen make up his Jacob's Ladder and Prince Albert, four nipple piercings, ten earrings line his left ear while twelve line his right. He's also got two tongue piercings and snakebite labrets.

He rarely wears a shirt, but when he does, it's a sleeveless black teeshirt, or a long sleeved fishnet. Sometimes, just to be different, he wears both. He prefers jeans and grey slacks, but is known to sometimes, on occasion, wear leather. He likes boots, but is known to wear flip-flops around the house. He also reclaimed his signature skull belt buckle, and he wears that, too.

Quirks

• Horrible English - He's got horrible broken English. This manifests as superfluous pluralization, and making conjunctions out of words that have no business being conjoined. He also has certain random names for things, such as 'Food Libraries'. He often mispronounces words, such as 'presquemiest' for promiscuous and 'ahnspazzle' for embezzle. The player would like to inform you that even though REAL Swedes don't do this or EVER sound nearly as stupid, that it's canon and he's sticking to it.

   

• Ego - Chevy Chase's ego was thought to hold the world together, or at least kept the moon from falling. Well, that's no longer needed, when compared to Skwisgaar's ego. He considers himself King God Awesome of Awesomeland, and refuses to see it any other way.

   

• Dumb as a post - Really, no explanation is needed here. The only thing that Skwisgaar knows about, with any proficiency, is guitar. Anything else is pretty much gray area, and he doesn't approach it. Actually, he knows two things, guitars and women. He probably knows more about female anatomy and pregnancy, menopause, and general cooter knowledge than your local OBGYN. This, however, does not give him any actual insight with women whatsoever, and he's mostly scared of them or turned on by them with no real in-between.

   

• Ability to play guitar - And here's where he borders on Stu-status. The man can play the guitar so fast, that his fingertips catch fire. Literally. And he plays damn well. As a matter of fact, his guitar playing was at least one-fifth attributed to the reason a lake troll was summoned in Finland. The only issues with his playing are that he literally cannot play slowly, and that he's got "musics dislexkia", and cannot read sheet music.

   

• Drugs - He does them. A lot. He's a heroin addict, drinks, smokes pot, and occasionally snorts cocaine. One would think he'd be dead by now, but it's likely he and Keith Richards share the same immortality secrets. This does not make him look any more like a good lookin' old dude than he should. In fact, he kinda looks like death warmed over if you look close enough.